


you can't blame me for falling, i was just a little boy

by Anonymous



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Growing Up, M/M, Slow Burn, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:09:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21877927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Cody realised that his childhood best friend wasn't just his closest friend, the skinny little boy was also his first love.
Relationships: Cody Ko & Noel Miller, Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 38
Kudos: 128
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title from to be so lonely by harry styles, his new album has inspired a lot of creativity in me

There was a little boy that lived in the neighbourhood, close to Cody's age. He was quiet, and always kept to himself, only out and about when he was walking his terrier.

Cody knew all the kids across the neighbourhood and down a few streets, too. But he never knew this boy's name, and whenever Cody would approach the unnamed little boy, he would scurry away, carrying the little black and white terrier in his small arms.

Cody wondered if he did anything wrong to the little boy to upset him so much, and would often talk about the "sun-eyed" boy to his parents, who assured him that he didn't do anything wrong, and that the little boy just needed some time to open up.

That was all the encouragement the young boy needed. Whenever he would see the other boy walking on the street, he would always offer a small smile and wave, which would always result in him snapping his head in any direction, away from Cody.

Cody never grew impatient with the nameless boy, always smiling and waving.

Soon enough, the boy began replying in small smiles and nods of acknowledgement, occasionally waving back. Taking that as a form of encouragement, one day, Cody walked up to the boy and asked simply, "can I pet your dog?"

The boy nodded carefully, a deep redness settling in his cheeks. For reasons he didn't understand, Cody felt the strong urge to protect the skinny little boy, and decided that he would stop at nothing, until they were friends.

Whenever Cody was out playing with the other kids, and the boy walked by, he'd drop everything and jog towards the two, so that he could play with his dog for a short while and smile at him up-close.

One day, when they were nearing winter break, the boy spoke to Cody for the first time. He was stood there whilst Cody cooed away at the boys companion, repeatedly questioning, "who's a good boy?"

"Uh, her name's Luna, and she's a girl. So, if you'd stop calling her a good boy." The boy said quietly, without saying another word.

Cody rose to his feet, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment, quickly apologising for his mistake. He watched as the boy picked the terrier up, turned on the heels of his feet and started walking away. To Cody's surprise, Luna's owner took a few steps forward and turned back to wave goodbye.

That night, Cody excitedly marched up to his parents to tell them about the feat he overcame earlier in the day. The golden-eyed boy finally spoke to him, and his parents offered him big smiles of encouragement, glad that their son was the only one willing to go above and beyond to be friends with the quiet kid.

A few days after the little incident, Cody was sat out on his front yard, waiting for the boy to come by with Luna. Not long after, his wish was granted.

Luna had taken a strong liking to Cody, and saw him sitting in the grass. She took advantage of the young boys light grip on her leash, and bolted towards Cody, who stood up excitedly with his hands stretched out, waiting to catch her.

The young boy was tense, but seemed to relax significantly when he saw that Luna was running towards Cody, who had her in his arms by the time her owner jogged up to them.

"I'm Cody." He said, without warning.

"My name's, uh, Noel." Came the quiet response.

"Noel? Like Christmas!"

"Yeah, like Christmas."

If the rest of the neighbourhood wasn't as silent that day, Cody might've missed the quiet chuckle that he elicited from Noel. And if the weather wasn't as cold, Cody might have been able to explain the slow warmth that spread into his cheeks.

From that point on, there wasn't a day Cody went without seeing Noel and Luna. The small smiles evolved into bigger, more welcoming ones, that would infect Cody the instant he saw them.

Cody was hell bent on building their friendship, constantly yapping away whenever he saw his new acquaintance. The more the blond boy spoke, the more his counterpart would reciprocate, initially never speaking more than a single sentence.

Their friendship began with big smiles and hushed chuckles between them, but not long after, that metamorphosed into countless inside jokes, hearty laughter and suffocating bear hugs.

Eventually, no one within the neighbourhood would see one without the other. Cody and Noel were a package deal, all but literally joined at the hip. It somewhat annoyed the other children that often played with Cody, who only became more irritable when the younger of the pair stopped playing with them, because they didn't want to play with the "weird, quiet kid." 

Noel always brushed off those awful comments, never once getting neither angry, nor upset. When Cody, in a fit of anger, asked why he would always let the other kids bully him, his counterpart lowered his eyes and quietly murmured, "it's okay, because I'm used to it."

Cody promised himself that day, that he would always protect Noel; his golden-eyed best friend, for the rest of his life.

The only way he would be able to do that is if he spent the rest of his life with his best friend, and there was only one sensible answer that came to the child's mind. He grabbed his friends arm, and started running toward his house, in dire need to share his new-found idea with his parents.

As they reached Cody's house, they only found his mother, who was shuffling around in some papers, his dad at work. The younger boy running up to his mum and exclaiming that she must hear what he had to say. She was kind enough to entertain the young child, despite all the work she had to get done.

"I'm gonna get married to Noel!" Cody claimed, as if it was the best idea he'd ever had.

"You're going to... what?" His mother questioned

"We're getting married?" Wondered the equally confused Noel, hearing of Cody's idea for the first time.

"Yeah! I want to live with Noel when we're grown up, just like you and dad!"

"You want to live with Noel even after you become a big boy?"

Cody furiously nodded his head, earning a giggle from his thoroughly amused mum.

"Don't you want to ask Noel if he wants to marry you when you two are big boys?"

"He doesn't have to ask me, Mrs. Ko, I wanna get married to him too." The much calmer boy stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Cody's mum smiled softly at the two, telling them that they could do whatever they wanted, as long as it made them happy. Both Cody and Noel beamed at the older woman, promising each other that they would get married when they were bigger. And that was a promise never forgotten.

But, that promise wasn't a guarantee that they would be able to grow old together, because three years after their promise, Noel left. His dad was never in the picture, and his remaining parent had been struggling for a long time. Of course, Cody had no idea how bad it really was, but his parents did, and it broke their hearts to watch their son be separated from his best friend.

It was a nice day, when Noel tried to break the news. They were both at Cody's house eating cereal, watching morning cartoons in silence.

"Mom's looking for someone to keep Luna," Noel whispered in the same tone he hadn't used in years.

"Why?" Questioned his counterpart.

"We can't take care of her anymore,"

"We'll take care of her! If you can't take care of her; we'll keep her so that you can come play with her even if she's not at your house."

Noel smiled softly at that, he had forgotten how naive Cody was. He didn't know how to break the news to his best friend; his back bone, and suddenly his vision became blurry and a painful lump formed in his throat.

Cody was panicked, he didn't understand why the older boy was crying, he never would. Not even when he got hurt. 

"I promise I'll get mom and dad to keep Luna! Don't cry, she'll always be with you!"

It surprised Cody even more when Noel embraced his best friend, sobbing into the crook of his neck. The younger boy felt his unease increase when his parents walked into the living room, watching the two boys sympathetically. His parents knew that Noel was leaving, his mum had informed them, and they had agreed to watch over Luna. Cody's mum couldn't help herself when a tear slipped from her eye, watching the two young boys.

Cody was far too young to experience this kind of pain. He was only a child, barely nine years old, he wouldn't be able to understand why Noel had to leave.

Noel wouldn't be able to do it himself, and their parents knew that. Noel's mum was on her way to the Ko's, knowing that she would have to try comfort her son and his best friend, hoping that they would forgive her for what she had to do to them.

Telling Cody wasn't easy, just as everyone expected. Noel held his hand as their parents told him, and he felt when the light haired boy started shaking.

"I'll still get to see him right? It's okay if he doesn't live in the neighbourhood, I'll get to visit him, right?" The younger managed through tears.

"They're going to America, baby, he won't be around anymore,"

As soon as Cody's mum said the final word, his eyes widened, and endless tears streamed from his eyes. Noel put his head down; unable to stop himself from crying, and his counterpart gripped onto the older boys hand hard enough to turn his nails white.

It broke their mothers hearts to see their sons like this, because they had never seen any other children as close to them, as they were to each other. It hurt to see Cody clutching onto Noel like he was his lifeline, like if they were separated, he would lose a part of himself.

That day they had to tear Noel away from Cody.

Their parents kept them away from each other, they knew that if they continued to allow them to be around each other, it would only get harder to separate them.

It was a necessary evil.

Cody never understood this, angered at his parents for not even allowing him the opportunity to say goodbye; he wouldn't even look at them for weeks, and he didn't speak to them for even longer.

The day both families dreaded had finally arrived, and Cody was only allowed to get as far as his front porch. Noel wasn't let near Cody's house, instead he was told to get in the car and stay there, whilst his mum handed Luna over to Cody's dad.

There was a little note tucked into Luna's collar, a note that went unnoticed by both adults. A note that was placed there by Noel, in hopes that his friend would see it.

When Cody's dad returned with Luna, she leapt out of his arms and sprinted towards Cody, who felt a familiar stinging at the back of his eyes. But he tried his hardest not to cry, he had to be strong for Noel and Luna.

The trucks had already left the neighbourhood with all their belongings, all that was left was for Noel and his mum to follow them.

And so they did.

Cody watched as they drove past their house, watching Noel who could only meekly wave his goodbyes. Even though he didn't want to, Luna's new owner had to look away from the car that was driving away, worried that he would start crying and upset Luna.

Sniffling, he looked at Luna, who had her head cocked in curiousity. As she stretched her neck out to lick him, a little folded piece of paper fell onto the floor. Instantly, Cody knew who the note was from. He shoved it into his front pocket, and walked into his house, letting Luna down in the process, who made a beeline for Cody's room.

The young boy followed Luna into his room without another word, not even a look directed at his parents.

He needed to know what that note said.

As he closed the door behind him and carefully unfolded the note, his heart rate rapidly increased, not knowing what it was about. As he looked into the paper, he was greeted with messy, childlike handwriting. Noel's handwriting.

'I swear I’ll find you when we’re grownups. I haven’t forgotten our promise, we still have to get married. take care of luna until then, thank you for everything'

It was short, but it lit a fire in Cody's heart.

He promised himself that he would always protect his golden-eyed best friend, but if he couldn't do that, he would protect Luna instead.

Memories of Noel were scattered all over Cody's room, but Luna was the closest to him. Noel raised her, there were parts of him in the little terrier. He would take good care of her and everything that had even the faintest trace of Noel in them. 

He knew that Noel would find him when they were older, he would come back for him and Luna.

He promised.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been years since Cody and Noel were separated.

Cody had recently joined junior high, where he was doing fairly well. His grades were pretty good, he had more friends than he could remember. He loved his life, but there was always something missing. There would always be something missing for as long as Noel wasn't in his life.

He told his parents that he wanted to go to college in America, and they knew that he wanted to go there in hopes of reuniting with his best friend, the boy he hadn't been able to let go of, after all these years.

He had no idea what part of America his best friend could've possibly been in, but that didn't stop him; nothing could.

After his separation with Noel, Cody seemed to get better after a few long weeks. He had Luna as his companion, and she was the only one that heard the sound of his voice for a month, at the very least. His mother was overjoyed when he finally spoke to her, still not ready to forgive her for what she had done.

By the time Cody was talking about moving to the U.S for college, he was a junior in his high school and Luna had grown old. It pained Cody to see Luna grow older, knowing that he'd promised Noel to take care of her until he could finally see her again. But Cody had long since moved, leaving the place he and Noel once considered home.

He would have to find Noel now.

He often thought of Noel; he came to realise, as he grew older, that what he felt for his counterpart wasn't just pure, platonic love. It never worried him, he'd always known in the back of his mind that his feelings toward Noel couldn't possibly compare to how he felt for all his other friends.

When he finally understood the depth of his feelings for his friend, he was grateful to his childhood self for not letting go of Noel's mementos. He still kept that note he received all those years ago, alongside Noel's toys and books. The memory was slowly fading, but the blond couldn't help but smile whenever he remembered how much his best friend loved reading. He would spend hours hunched over some book, not even whispering a word to Cody. The moment he'd set his book down, he would always turn to the younger boy with bright eyes; talking about how much he loved, or hated the book.

The note rested neatly in his wallet, not a single other soul was allowed to touch it, nor read it. Even after all those years, he never told his parents about the single piece of paper that came falling out of Luna's red collar that day.

That was a day never discussed, but his mum and dad could always easily see how much it hurt their son. He kept an album of their photos close to him, and he stopped bringing his friends over. It upset the two of them to see the teenager still hurting over the loss of his best friend, and it worried them to even think of the possibility of Cody not being able to find Noel.

The very topic of Noel Miller seemed like a taboo in the Kolodziejzyk household.

Despite everything though, Cody was always close to his parents. They supported everything he did, and he was grateful for that. Grateful that his parents would go to hell and back to see their son smile. It made coming out to them that much easier.

It was a quiet night. Luna snored softly whilst Cody and his parents ate their dinner.

"I'm going on a date tomorrow," informed the boy.

His mum and dad were pleasantly surprised. He was fifteen and had never been on a date before, to their knowledge, at least.

"What are they like?" Chirped his mum, happy that he was finally taking a step away from Noel's memory.

"He's an artist, he likes drawing portraits. We met when he approached me to be his model for a project he's working on."

That was all he needed to say, the only thing they demanded, was a picture of the boy.

"I want to see the lucky boy that gets to go on a date with my beautiful baby boy!" His mum exclaimed.

He was happy with the way they took the news, they were wholly indifferent to his coming out, although they seemed happier that he chose to come out to them, instead of keeping it hidden from them.

The artists name was Oscar.

He had kind eyes, calloused fingertips, and hair that curled around his forehead.

He kept Cody happy for a while, but he could never get Cody to forget about the ghost from his past.

The boy that Cody never even spoke the name of, worried that if he spoke of the boy, he would taint his image.

Their relationship didn't last for any longer than a handful of months. Eventually, Oscar felt that he had to let go of Cody, he knew that continuing their relationship was doing more harm than good.

Cody would never be able to give all of himself to anyone, except that little boy with the golden eyes.

When Oscar ended things between them, Cody was hurt, he truly had feelings for the curly haired boy. But, the pain he felt then was nowhere near the pain he felt when Noel left his life.

He told his parents that his relationship had ended, but he never told them that his heart wasn't broken.

That was when he fully realised, that when they were children, he'd given a piece of his heart and soul to Noel. And he would always be incomplete without the missing pieces, nothing would have the ability to fill them in.

A week after Oscar left his life, he was flipping through an old photo album, one with pictures of Noel; as if he was a part of his family.

As he scanned over the pages, intently looking at each picture, he saw that one of them hadn't been tucked away as neatly as the others.

It was a polaroid of him and his best friend.

It was taken about two years into their friendship, when the two of them were only eight years old.

Cody was holding the peace sign up, had a shit-eating grin plastered across his face. Beside him, Noel was clutching the fabric that covered his stomach, smiling so wide that his eyes closed, and the blond could almost hear Noel's laugh.

Below the picture were the familiar curves of Mrs. Miller's handwriting, the cursive Cody adored as a child.

'C+N'

Beside the initials was a badly coloured in heart. When Noel's mum wrote their initials, her son insisted that she drew a heart next to the letters. Without complains, she did.

The older boy took a blue marker and began colouring in the heart as carefully as he could, with his tongue slightly poking out of his mouth.

He was proud of the job he did, even though it wasn't a very good one.

Cody's eyes stung at the thought of that memory. He hadn't met Noel in six long years, he didn't even know what he looked like now. It worried Cody to think that after this long, Noel might have forgotten him.

He pushed that thought as far away as he could, taking the polaroid and placing it in the clear cover of his iPhone. 

He was never going to give up on finding Noel, even if it took him to the ends of the earth.

He knew he was naive for hoping so much, he knew that he could easily get his heart ripped out of him a second time. But it hurt too much to let go.

When his mum saw the new addition to his phone, she faltered for a second, feeling a pang of guilt in her chest.

She had stopped feeling guilty every time she looked at Luna a long time ago, and all of Noel's belongings that Cody kept; became a part of his room.

Anything that was reminiscent of Noel was a part of their home, and his parents would often forget who those things belonged to in the first place.

But when Cody suddenly started walking around with the polaroid decorating his phone, his parents were reminded of how much Cody loved Noel, and that they were the ones that denied them of their goodbyes.

His parents didn't have to beat themselves up about it for a long time though, because for the first time since their separation, Cody opened up to his parents about how much he missed Noel.

He told them that he would find him, no matter what it took, and that there was no way they would be able to stop him.

They had never seen him so determined about something before, they had never seen that fire behind his eyes. They nodded in agreement, telling him that they already knew he was leaving for America for that very reason, and that they were never going to stop him.

Cody couldn't have been more grateful to his parents.

When he went back to school for his final year in Canada, all his friends asked him about the little boys at the back of his iPhone.

He answered truthfully, told everyone that the golden-eyed little boy was his best friend.

He never answered the questions that followed, he didn't want any of them to know a single thing about Noel. He didn't need anyone else falling in love with him.

There was one question that stood out the most. It was only one question, one that was never followed up with any others.

"Who is he to you?" Inquired his friend, Tony.

"My best friend." Came the repeated answer.

Cody turned on his heels, wearing a smile, and walked away with a little bounce in his step.

"He's my future husband." Followed the whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thrive off comments theyre literally my oxygen please .


	3. Chapter 3

Graduating from high school was one of Cody's happiest days.

Naturally, he was upset because he had to let go of some friendships he'd been building for years.

But leaving them, meant he was one step closer to going to America.

To finding Noel.

He was never worried about his acceptance into the colleges he applied to, he had been doing well enough in his high school to be accepted by most colleges, with the exception of ivy league schools.

He had his eye on the University of California, and he was accepted into the Los Angeles, and Berkeley campuses. All that was left was for him to decide which campus he wanted to go to, and that was the biggest problem of all.

The decision was a simple one, but he had this incessant feeling in the pit of his stomach, that if he made the wrong choice; he might never find his best friend.

He knew that he would have to go with his gut. There was no actual proof that it would lead him to Noel, but he had to trust himself.

When they were younger, his best friend would always say that he wanted to go California when he was older. That was the only thing that guided Cody.

Leaving Canada was the furthest Cody had ever got from his parents, he'd spent nights away from home, but never like this. This was the first time he was going to be on his own in a completely new, and different environment. 

It scared him a little, but he never once hesitated leaving.

Noel.

It was for Noel.

There was always a small malicious voice in the back of his head that loved reminding him that it had been years since he last saw Noel, that the older boy wouldn't be able to remember him.

There were times Cody couldn't help but succumb to those thoughts. It would be so easy, if he could just let go of the golden-eyed boy.

There was once a time, before his graduation, he tried to forget Noel.

He tried flings, one night stands, and relationships. Every time he met someone new, he always wondered if things would've been different if they hadn't been separated. Every single time he met someone new, he wished they were Noel.

He even tried exploring his sexuality, hoping that maybe- just maybe, a girl would be the solution in making him forget about his childhood friend.

It wasn't.

It wasn't a pretty experience, and it left him with a sour taste in his mouth. At the end of the night, the girl stormed out of the room, calling Cody pathetic for not being able to get it up.

That morning, he cried himself to sleep.

How much longer? How much longer would he feel this pain?

The pain that considered his heart its home.

There was no way he would be able to forget about Noel. Not with Luna, who slept at Cody's feet. Not with the children's books and encyclopedias that decorated his room. Not with the polaroid that was still situated in his phone case.

Not with the memories of Noel imprinted in his mind.

It was pathetic. It had been seven years since he left. It was pathetic that he was so in love with a memory.

For all he knew, Noel could be nothing like how he used to be when they were children. Even though that scared Cody, it excited him.

It excited him because even though may not be the same as he once was, he would still be the most beautiful person in the world. Both inside, and out.

In his excitement, he chose to go to Berkeley. He went with his heart, it whispered that he may come close to finding Noel there.

He was restless the whole way there, impatience taking control of his emotions. He knew that it was stupid to get so excited over this, Noel wouldn't be waiting for him when he landed.

Of course, he was right.

Noel wasn't waiting at the airport for Cody. No one was.

He had already visited the campus, he knew how to get there, and he had been in America enough times to know the rundown of things.

Before he knew it, he was stepping into the dorms where he'd be living for the next few years.

Everyone was welcoming enough, most people that saw him enter the dorm introduced themselves warmly. Telling him that he could hit them up if he ever needed any help settling in.

Some were genuine, others were just blatantly flirting with him. It flattered him, getting this much attention on his first day, but he was in this specific college for one reason and one reason only.

It would've been a dream if that reason suddenly walked up to him and recognised him. But he was awake, and this was reality.

He quietly set his things down in his assigned dorm.

His roommate had already settled in very well. Either he'd been living in the dorm for a long time, or he was a complete slob.

Then he met Devon, who confirmed the latter.

He walked into the room, excited to meet his roommate, who was all but excited to meet the man that lived in such filth.

What looked like half of his luggage was strewn about the room, a number of condom boxes sat on his bed, and the mattress laid diagonally across the bed frame. Beside the bed was a box of takeout and a crushed can of Red Bull that wasn't fully empty when it was thrown onto the floor.

The other man, Devon, approached Cody and dapped him up. They exchanged pleasantries and introduced themselves, Cody was surprised by the fact that he immediately liked Devon. Aside from being gross, he seemed pretty cool.

"Yo, how'd your bed get like that?"

Cody's roommate simply shrugged at that, telling him that he would clean up as soon as they got back.

"Got back? We? Got back from where?" Questioned the Canadian.

"We gotta get to orientation, dude, it starts in a couple of minutes."

As they walked out of the room, a lot of other people walked in the same direction as them, all heading towards orientation.

Cody and Devon made small talk as they walked to orientation. He had been here four days before Cody got there, he'd already made a few friends and he mentioned that he wouldn't mind introducing them to his new acquaintance. Cody was grateful that Devon was so nice to him, he wasn't sure how he'd have dealt if his roommate was a complete dickhead.

Orientation was... exhausting, to say the least.

The freshmen didn't really have to do anything, it was just tiring watching the sophomores and juniors put in a completely unnecessary amount of energy into everything they did.

During orientation, he met one of Devon's friends. His name was Sam, he didn't seem too excited to meet Cody, but he wasn't cold. The three of them got along surprisingly well, Cody realised that he somewhat enjoyed their company. He was glad that Devon was his roommate, and not someone else.

Not long after he started living in the dorms, Cody got accustomed to Devon's mess. Whenever Devon cleaned up, it wasn't two days before things went back to normal. At least, he tried his best to keep things in order, the mess that Cody first saw when he walked into their room, was never repeated.

The hard part was familiarising himself with his new life. He was too tied up in his classes, new friends, and everything else going on around him to even think about why he chose that university in the first place.

Once he got used to college life, he started going to frat parties once in a while. Devon loved dragging him and Sam to them, Cody didn't mind, because when they went to these parties; Devon wouldn't come back to the dorms with him. Those were the only nights he got to spend on his own, it was a shame that at the end of most nights, he was too drunk to even care whether he was alone or not.

The guys at the frat house they'd go to, had taken a liking to Cody, partially because Devon liked the Canadian, and partially because of reasons that Cody wouldn't have been able to name for the life of him.

When he woke up on a Saturday morning with his head pounding and a slight discomfort in his lower back, he found someone else sleeping in his bed with him.

He could remember what happened the previous night, but he didn't know the mans name. He remembered that he'd seen him around at the parties, but he wasn't a part of the frat.

Cody didn't want to have to wake the man up, not knowing his name. Instead, he carefully got out of bed, trying his best not to disturb the unnamed man who was stirring in his sleep.

Cody got dressed quickly, cringing at the dried up cum that was strung across his chest. Before he walked out of his room to take a shower, he spared the sleeping man one last glance.

There was nothing astounding about him, he had dark hair that messily fell over his forehead. His light pink lips were slightly parted, and the rest of his skin was pale. And if Cody's memory wasn't failing him; the man had blue eyes.

Why did they fuck?

He tiptoed out of his room, and headed for the communal showers.

To his surprise, he didn't have to wait too long for one of the bathrooms to clear up. He began scrubbing his chest as soon as the lukewarm water hit his body. His head hurt every time he moved, so he had to stand still in the shower. He would have to take an aspirin as soon as he got to his room, luckily, Devon always kept some on him.

He hoped that the dark haired boy had left his room by the time he was returning.

He finished up and got dressed, making a beeline for his room. Hoping that he would find it empty.

He was glad when he found his room exactly as he wished, no stranger, no Devon.

He took the aspirin, and gulped down a bottle of water. This was the first time he'd been this alone this late since he moved into the dorm, usually, Devon would've come back into the room and caused a ruckus.

Cody was finally alone with his thoughts, it had been weeks since he last had a moment of peace.

But the peace was short lived, because as soon as he sat on his bed, thoughts of Noel came streaming in. He'd been in Berkeley for a number of days and he still had no idea whether Noel was there, or not.

How would he find Noel? Where would he even begin? Was he even in this college?

He tried to stop himself from turning into a blubbering mess, he would have to, because if Devon walked in on him crying like a baby- he wouldn't have an explanation for it.

He tried, but he failed. Tears broke free from his eyes, and there was nothing he could say or do that would comfort himself.

He had his head in his hands when Devon walked in. Cody tried to play it off, but his bloodshot eyes and sniffling gave him away.

"Dude, were you crying?"

Cody couldn't think of a reply, he just watched his roommate walk in and take a seat next to him. 

"Did you get a shitty dicking down or something? Did the dude I saw you leave with not clap your cheeks to your satisfaction?"

Cody smiled meekly at his friends attempt to cheer him up, but the tears streamed down his face once again.

Pathetic.

"Okay you're really starting to worry me, what happened? Did he hurt you?"

The Canadian shook his head. He balled his fists up to try hide the fact that he was shaking, but it didn't help one bit. Sobs were threatening to rake through his whole body.

Cody took a deep breath to calm himself, and for the first time in seven years, told another human being about Noel Miller.

He told Devon everything.

"Woah." Came Devon's hushed response.

The blond had significantly calmed down whilst telling the story, but he was still sniffling. He was terrified that Devon would think he was weird, or pathetic for not being able to get over someone for such a long time.

"Do you think there's something wrong with me?" Cody asked, weakly.

"Of course not, man! You never even got to say goodbye, if you got closure maybe you'd have been over him by now, but he was your first love; you never get over those."

Devon's words were comforting. The hand he had placed on Cody's back was grounding him, reminding him that Devon was real, and he was there for Cody.

"I haven't met a Noel, but I'm gonna help you look for him." Devon assured.

The younger man looked at his friend with the most hopeful eyes. He really was an idiot for believing that him and his friend would be able to find Noel.

He'd come too far to lose hope now though, as pathetic or sad as it may be, Cody would never give up on Noel.

Their lives quickly went back to normal after that, they resumed their classes and the thoughts of Noel left Cody once again.

After seeing Cody so miserable, Devon didn't want to leave him alone in their room, and he did promise him that he would help find the Miller boy. A party would be the best place to start, wouldn't it?

That Friday night, the older man dragged his friend to another frat party. He told Cody that he'd go back to their dorm that night, that he didn't feel like hitting anyone up after the party.

Cody knew what his roommate was doing, and he didn't want to force him to go ahead and get laid, it would be nice to have him around.

As soon as they walked into the party, he was greeted by familiar and unfamiliar faces. It was nice, if you could overlook the overpowering smell of alcohol, weed, and vomit. And how stuffy the room was. And the terrible EDM that was being blasted through the speakers.

Actually, it was pretty shit.

But at least it took his mind off Noel. He could be free of his thoughts for a few hours.

In the wave of bodies and faces, Cody lost Devon and Sam. He didn't worry too much, he'd be fine without them for a while. And he knew that Devon would be looking for him, so he just walked to the kitchen and stayed there, looking around the room for his roommate. If he couldn't find him, it would be okay, because Devon would find himself in the kitchen for a beer during the course of the night.

Cody had barely been alone for a minute until he saw Devon, who was with someone.

He didn't recognise the man his roommate was with, he was a lot taller than the Canadian. He had long, straight hair and clear framed glasses sat on the bridge of his nose. Cody couldn't make out his face clearly in the low lights, but he could see a piece of jewelry gleam on his nose, and that they were headed directly Cody's way.

The blond assumed that the new face was just someone else Devon wanted to introduce to him.

When the long haired man dapped Cody up with confidence, he was pleased with himself, for being right yet again.

"What up? I'm Spock," yelled the man, to be heard over the music.

"Chillin' man, Cody,"

Spock was about to say something else, pointing to Devon, but a hand heavily landing on his shoulder, cut him off.

The taller man turned a little to face the stranger, not surprised in the slightest.

"Ayo, Spock, where the fuck you been, man? I've been lookin' all over for you." The other man shouted.

The stranger was about Cody's height, with short, dark hair that was styled upwards.

There was something about him, though, something that made Cody's heart jump into his throat.

All the music in the background suddenly faded, and his vision zeroed in on the man. He said something to Spock that Cody didn't hear, but obviously it was of some relevance, because when he finished with Spock; he turned to the rest to introduce himself.

He greeted Devon and Sam first, and when he turned to Cody, the Canadians phone fell from his hand.

"Fuck," he murmured to himself, picking his phone up, hoping that his screen hadn't cracked.

It wasn't. Thankfully.

When he looked back up, the stranger was watching him with wide eyes. They were suddenly glazed over, Cody could've sworn they didn't look like that when he first saw him, and his lips were slightly parted. His chest was noticeably rising and falling with quickening speed.

And that was when Cody noticed.

Even under the low lights, the brilliance of the strangers hazel eyes shone through. His eyes were a colour Cody hadn't seen in years.

A colour he hadn't seen in seven years, to be exact.

The Canadian felt his throat close up, and a sudden weight crush down on his body. He couldn't believe his eyes.

The man in front of him was different; but somehow... the same. The familiar, comforting aura that surrounded the unknown man was the same aura that Cody associated with the happiest time in his life.

He tightened his grip on his phone, suddenly hyperaware of the polaroid that sat neatly in his phone case.

The polaroid of the of the two happy young boys.

The polaroid of Cody, and Noel.

After what felt like eons, the dark haired man grabbed Cody and pulled him away from the crowd, guiding him up the stairs; so that they could be alone.

To their surprise, they found an empty room with ease. The nameless man closed the door behind him, looking at Cody as he did so.

They weren't in complete silence, the muffled sounds of the music that was playing below them blanketed them. Surrounded them.

It was surreal.

The lighting was better in the room, the blond could finally see the man that dragged him into the room.

His eyes were Cody's favourite colour, the colour he once assumed to be gold. His skin complexion was a breathtaking olive, light freckles were littered across his nose.

The younger man forgot everything else in the world, he forgot how to formulate sentences, the only thing he managed to get out was,

"Noel."

Something seemed to snap in the older man, like he finally awoke from a trance he was under. Without saying another word, he wrapped his arms around Cody, who immediately did the same.

Cody couldn't stop the sobs that broke free from his body.

He found him.

He found Noel.

His tears stained Noel's shoulder, who continued holding onto him like if he loosened his grip even a little, Cody would disappear before his very eyes.

The blond felt a comforting hand rubbing circles on his back, and he balled up the fabric of Noel's shirt in his hand.

They were the same height, but in that moment, Cody felt so much smaller than Noel. Even though the younger man had promised his friend that he'd protect him, he felt like Noel no longer needed any protection from anything. Instead, he could protect Cody from anything, and everything.

When the younger man calmed down, his counterpart pulled away from him, looking at him with the softest eyes. He wiped Cody's remaining tears away with the pad of his thumb, and allowed his hand to rest on his jaw.

Cody was right.

Noel looked nothing like what he once did. The once soft exterior had turned into hardened, scarred shell. But he was still the most beautiful thing Cody had ever seen.

"You found me," were the first words Noel said to his best friend in years, letting his hand down.

Noel's voice shocked Cody, he would've never imagined it to be as deep as it was.

"Yeah,"

"I came to Calgary to look for you, to our neighbourhood, but you moved. And, I- I almost lost hope."

Cody couldn't do anything, but nod.

"How did you know I'd be here?"

"I just followed my heart."

Then, Noel did something Cody couldn't even dare dream of doing.

He kissed Cody.

It was gentle, chaste. There was no real hunger behind it, but there was a longing. As if he'd wanted to do it for years.

He could feel the older man smile into the kiss when he reciprocated, and he felt his heart soar.

How long had he wished for this?

Noel's lips were soft, and he tasted like beer and hard liquor. His hands rose from his sides to cup Cody's face, where he felt wet streaks.

Now that Noel was in front of the blond; it was close to impossible to stop his tears. But, this was different, the tears he couldn't stop this time; were tears of joy. 

The smile that spread to his cheeks was so wide, it almost hurt. Noel was worried for a second, thinking he crossed a line, but when he saw Cody's smile- his own broke free.

And Cody melted at the sight of it, despite everything, his smile was the same. It was just as, if not more, stunning than he remembered. Laughter lines and dimples decorated the sides of his smile, and for a second, Cody was scared that his heart would stop beating.

"Cody Kolodziejzyk, when we were separated, I realised that you had already taken my heart. You were my first love, and you're the only person I've been in love with all these years, I didn't know what I was gonna do for the rest of my life without you. I know this is probably too much for you, and I'm worried that I've already pushed you away by telling you this, but I've been waiting for years to tell you this and I can't wait any longer, I just-"

Noel's babbling was cut off by a small chuckle that came from Cody.

That was all the dark haired man needed to understand. Even though they had been apart from each other for years, it still felt like they could communicate perfectly, without words.

"The picture in your phone case,"

"Yeah, it's us." Cody said, turning his phone for his counterpart to see.

Noel smiled at his friend and reached into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet and flipping it open. He dug his fingers into a compartment and pulled out a polaroid that matched the younger mans.

It was a picture of them, taken on the same day as Cody's. The younger boy wore the same shit-eating grin and had one of his arms snaked around his friends shoulders. A small smile graced Noel's lips, his skin was rosy, and his skinny arms were placed around Cody's waist.

Cody was overwhelmed. He followed Noel's actions, reaching for his own wallet and pulling out the note he received on the day the older man left. 

He unfolded the old note and allowed Noel to glaze his eyes over it.

"So, our deal is still on right?" Cody joked, referring to their promise of marriage.

Noel crashed his lips into the blonds once again, this time with an urgency that Cody had never felt before. He was still taken aback by how soft Noel's lips were, and how gently he held his face and waist.

He could feel all of Noel's love being poured into every movement of his lips, and the slightest contact of his skin on Cody's, ignited a fire that he felt in his whole body.

His heart ached in the best way possible, all those years he had spent doubting himself. All those years he thought Noel forgot him. They didn't matter one bit, because Noel always felt the same way.

Noel loved Cody just as much as Cody loved Noel.

Cody wanted, needed, to know everything about Noel in that second, every single experience he had since they were separated. He wanted to make up for all the time they hadn't spent together.

But he could take his time with that, they could take all the time they wanted.

They had the rest of their lives for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn son this is the longest chapter ive ever written, i was gonna take some time with it but i chose to bang it out as fast as i could
> 
> i really hope you guys enjoyed and i hope the ending wasn't too disappointing!!  
> as always, comments would be very much appreciated <3

**Author's Note:**

> i meant for this to be short, but i got too into it and i wrote way too much so :^)
> 
> comments would be greatly appreciated!! <3


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